THE PRIZE

Restoring my mind to it's initial state?
How do I do that anyway...
How do I get rid of all the things you made me experience
Things I never knew existed
Things like contentment,
Satisfaction and now resentment
Before I knew I could even have a smile all day
Since in my life, I was having what I needed

You changed so fast.
Was it the thrill that came with the relationship
That made you stop it, in the bud you nipped
You transformed your act
Looking away with the eye contact
No longer laughing at the inner jokes we used to share
It was my presence now that you couldn't bare

Dear, I could change for you
What fresh things did you want me to do?
I felt like you got a new man
Just like that you slipped into being a prize
A contest of who will have you last
A tag-of-possession that I was already outdone
I was out of clues, tricks and ideas that are new
The ones that would win you back

If it was to happen this way
I wonder why it took so much time
Slicing through the solid build I'd made in many days
And leaving behind a broken heart- dying
It's true the winner takes it all
You become a prize, I couldn't match up
And now you're gone.

SUICIDE NOTES

The rain fluctuates between drizzle and torrential
Messing with my mind, gnawing my tomorrow
Making me think things will always be like this,
They will never get better as they seemed
Always letting me down right when I think the worst is over
When the past is so done and am sauced up
For a new venture, a crazier adventure...

I feel certain that I am going mad again
I can’t go through another of these terrible times myself
And I shan’t recover this time
I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate in my mind
So I am doing what seems the best thing to do
You have given me the greatest possible happiness I knew
You have been in every way all that anyone could be
I don’t think two people could have been happier until this

I can’t fight any longer, am drenched and am dry
I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work
And you will I know
You see I can’t even write this properly... I can’t read.
What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you
You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good
I want to say that —  so now everybody knows it
If anybody could have saved me it would have been you

Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness
I can't hold myself back, I'm now embracing my weakness
I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been
I have to let you go life for it's pain that will intervene
Leaving me in shambles, state of mind that's jumbled
Letting you go but with my appreciation shown on this suicide notes

IN MY HEAD

There’s a thought about a new beginning within

That’s creeping in my mind

And I can’t help but think…

All this things that break me down, leave me out

End and cease to exist, when this thought comes to me

I feel so at peace, relaxed and at ease

Because in my head there’s a fort

Whose ambience has set me free

When times get hard, things rough and awry

Nothing is working out and all just sounds so boring

The lights are out, the stars are dull

And the light at the end of the tunnel has just died out

It goes back into my head, where all drama is made

Everything that kept evading is all coming into the lens

No kind of mistake, and also no regrets

For when it is going on in my head

Am assured that it is perfect

In my head there exists a thin sporadic thought that

Always changes the mood of my universe

Rises above hate, loves over anger and embraces without lies

It chooses the good within the bad,

Oozing a new lease of life, a piece of mind

But it only lasts for a while

When all of it is done, already gone and am left behind

All brutality and senselessness caves inside

I hold my head, heat is wheezing off my ears, teary eyes

Solid heart is broken, freed mind is tied

Everything in my head is jumbled up

Am confused now…