SUICIDE NOTES

The rain fluctuates between drizzle and torrential
Messing with my mind, gnawing my tomorrow
Making me think things will always be like this,
They will never get better as they seemed
Always letting me down right when I think the worst is over
When the past is so done and am sauced up
For a new venture, a crazier adventure...

I feel certain that I am going mad again
I can’t go through another of these terrible times myself
And I shan’t recover this time
I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate in my mind
So I am doing what seems the best thing to do
You have given me the greatest possible happiness I knew
You have been in every way all that anyone could be
I don’t think two people could have been happier until this

I can’t fight any longer, am drenched and am dry
I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work
And you will I know
You see I can’t even write this properly... I can’t read.
What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you
You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good
I want to say that —  so now everybody knows it
If anybody could have saved me it would have been you

Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness
I can't hold myself back, I'm now embracing my weakness
I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been
I have to let you go life for it's pain that will intervene
Leaving me in shambles, state of mind that's jumbled
Letting you go but with my appreciation shown on this suicide notes

IN MY HEAD

There’s a thought about a new beginning within

That’s creeping in my mind

And I can’t help but think…

All this things that break me down, leave me out

End and cease to exist, when this thought comes to me

I feel so at peace, relaxed and at ease

Because in my head there’s a fort

Whose ambience has set me free

When times get hard, things rough and awry

Nothing is working out and all just sounds so boring

The lights are out, the stars are dull

And the light at the end of the tunnel has just died out

It goes back into my head, where all drama is made

Everything that kept evading is all coming into the lens

No kind of mistake, and also no regrets

For when it is going on in my head

Am assured that it is perfect

In my head there exists a thin sporadic thought that

Always changes the mood of my universe

Rises above hate, loves over anger and embraces without lies

It chooses the good within the bad,

Oozing a new lease of life, a piece of mind

But it only lasts for a while

When all of it is done, already gone and am left behind

All brutality and senselessness caves inside

I hold my head, heat is wheezing off my ears, teary eyes

Solid heart is broken, freed mind is tied

Everything in my head is jumbled up

Am confused now…

LOVE GAMES

Out of sight, out of mind...
Tell me what to do because am just out of this world
Pain inside
Gain is nigh
And living this kind of life is proving too hard

Baby, I want you back again
I don't want to keep playing these love games
When I get who I think is better than you, who I want..
Then thoughts about you suffice
And I try to act like am in the relationship but I can't
We fight, we break up

Am completely broken into thousand pieces
This game is to end baby, I chuck my deuces
I need you regardless and am jumping out of this circle
Let your love rain and fulfill my emptiness,
deep within that has left me dried off

Am confused in this rat chase, helter-skelter in dumbness
Yes, this was to make you jealous
Feel bad that you ain't having me there-infact
The horror and mess am in was to be all yours
Boomerang! It's coming back double unexpected up to here
I play and score in my own post, hurting myself

We should've stayed together
Built this ark and wait in it for any kind of weather I messed it,
playing games and playing games and playing games!
It's like am facing my death sentence
You are the judge, looking down and passing it for me to be penalised
I need you back here to take up my defence..
or else I will forever die in regret playing this goddamn love games!!